Hello dear reader(s)!
Today is going to be a great day! The birds are singing (way too loud), the sky is clear (so no much-needed water), and the sun is shining (which I can’t really go out into because I am at such an increased risk for skin cancer.) (Okay, I can, but not without 45 tons of sunscreen, a hat, and probably long sleeves (but I don’t do that, even if I should.)) I’m also completely out of Ativan and praying the doctor’s office calls me back and says that they will indeed have a prescription for me, before my appointment on Wednesday. Good times. And despite all I did yesterday (almost the amount of things a normal person does), I just couldn’t manage to catch any of the elusive Z’s.
The Z’s do not see our cameras so we are able to bring you this side of them never before witnessed by man. See them in their natural habitat of The Beds, frolicking and playing with their young. What may look like fun and games to the baby Z’s is actually the foundations of the hunting skills they will need to survive. Look now, we see one of the alpha Z’s has spotted its prey. See the way it stalks the Josh who is completely unaware of the Z’s presence. Just before the Z strikes, something has spooked the Josh. The chase begins, but on this day, the Josh escapes. The Z’s are undeterred and successfully bring down many other people for the feeding of their pride. Okay, so maybe I’m elusive to them.
Despite all of that, I am in a pretty good mood. Why? Because I am just fine with allowing myself to kick back today until I do feel better and hopefully get some rest. With the exception of running to get and fill the prescription, (should it be issued), and going to the grocery store to pick up dinner ingredients, I am relatively unscheduled today. I got a lot of things done around the house yesterday and am just fine with putting my feet up to recover.
Yesterday, I took half of the day off from the series of tubes and played some cards and chillaxed (as the dope kids today say) with my lovely wife and our basement slave. It was a much-needed break, as sometimes, when I am on the interwebs, I get stuck inside my head, (which is really inconvenient when you’re trying to type.) Some people (hipsters and the like) call a break from technology “going dark”, but I think it is more like going light. Because on the new-fangled social media sites like that MySpace all the kids are talking about with their Motorola RAZR’s and the texting doo-dads, you can’t exactly separate yourself from the things that bring you down. And while it is good to have information, occasionally, just rarely, hardly ever, but sometimes, or even more often, but not by much; it can be a little overwhelming. Of course this all pales in comparison to having to catch up on everything you missed when you come back to your addiction-I mean-followed blogs. It does not, however, pale in comparison to my skin from being inside most of the last few years.
At some point today, I think I will attempt to go light again. I realize this makes me a bad blog-type-thinger, but to quote John Bender from The Breakfast Club, “Being bad feels pretty good, huh?” So with this stunning announcement that you should hopefully not care about, I ask you to completely ignore the desire to post anything worthwhile, from between 2 hours from now and 10 hours from now. Because, after all, it is about me. Not your posts, but this whole WordPress thing. Or are your posts? I bet they are. Everything is about me. That is why I can’t have friends on Facebook!
I am trying to come up with a list of acceptable topics for you to post about, during my absence. So far, I have the following:
- Poop, and the wonders thereof
- Pee, and the wonders thereof
- Other bodily excretions, and the wonders thereof
- A 17,000 word essay on the differences between chicken fried steak and country fried steak, with a very forceful view of which is better; insulting the people who like the other
- A guide to bringing about the apocalypse, so that ye may be saved sooner
- Anything related to chemtrails, the pros of the anti-vaccine movement, the Illuminati, and your belief that the President was not born within the United States.
- Reasons you are physically attracted to frogs
Okay, so these are your prompts for this point in time today. Ready? Go!
Happy blogging or blog-type-thinging, or journalling, or ranting, or whatever the hell it is that you do so well. I’m going to read your posts that you already published for a bit now, but I expect you to adhere to these guidelines once this is up. The consequences will be severe if you don’t. How severe? Well…um…I might miss them and you’d be making me sad. And you wouldn’t want that, would you? It is all about me.