Hello dear reader(s)! How are you all doing on this wonderful morning where I am, and whatever time of day where you all are? I am doing good this morning, thank you for asking. You didn’t ask? Well, fine then! So, for some unknown reason, my energy levels have really been coming up (at least in the morning). I have never been a morning person, but the last few days, I have been able to actually get out of bed!
So, what is my Post-Cancer Bucket List? For that matter, what is a Post-Cancer Bucket? Well, I don’t know the answer to the second question, but I would like to share with you my Post-Cancer Bucket List because that is what happens to be on my mind due to the feeling like I am slowly, but surely, getting better. (Until about noon, then it is all downhill again.)
To start, I would like to share with you a quote, because it is actually relevant to the content of this post.
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”-Hunter S. Thompson
I know this quote is all over the place on social media, but I don’t know if there are better words that can describe how I feel having survived so many times I wasn’t expected to. Fuck playing it safe, I want to live, dammit! The problem here is that my mind is still cluttered with anxiety and flashbacks, and my body is lagging far behind my desire to get moving forward. I’m trying hard to push it, but for some things (like my immune system and my GI issues), I have no control. So here are the things that I want to do, as soon as is humanly possible.
- Volunteer at a cancer center or hospital. Gee, I wonder why I might want to do this? Almost like I have a personal reason or motivation of some sort.
- Volunteer at an animal charity. In some way so that I do not have to see the poor animals because I will want to take them all home, and I just can’t.
- Visit Ireland. My honeymoon with my wife was 3 1/2 months in a hospital room. We were supposed to go to Ireland. But nooooo, I had to get cancer. Even if it weren’t for the missed honeymoon, I have wanted to go to Ireland as long as I can remember. Just something about it calls to me. My wife shares my long-distance love affair with the island. I want to visit both The Republic of Ireland, and Northern Ireland. I want to see the history for myself.
- Have a big vow-renewal party. We were beginning to plan our wedding when my diagnosis came through, and I was given 6 days to get my affairs in order before what was supposed to be 30 days of chemotherapy. My lovely wife decided we should get married first, so we had a small, but beautiful wedding thrown together in about 12 hours. Many people I wanted to come, would not have been able to attend, there was only so many people we could have, and people had to work. My wife wore a beautiful white sun-dress and I wore khakis and a Hawaiian shirt. I want my wife to have the chance to wear the dress of her dreams, and the wedding we intended.
- Write and publish my entire cancer story, and my message to survivors and fighters. Everyone says your first book is going to be crap, but I really don’t want to write what I think is an important message for people, (as well as a riveting story), and write it like crap. Besides my need for self-expression, this is the reason I blog-type-thing. Practice makes better than lousy, most of the time.
- Get another 1966 Pontiac GTO, and take it up to 140 again. My first car was a 1966 Pontiac GTO that my dad bought and we attempted to restore together. However, we never quite got it. It was a BEAST! (in the Summer, when I could afford gas) In the Winter though, I would never be able to get it started, it would backfire, and I just couldn’t afford to give it the treatment it deserved. Damn, I miss that car!
- Get over my hang-ups and do anything that appeals to me. I consider myself a very accepting person, (of everyone else) but of me, I still have my issues and things holding me back from experiencing all that this life has to offer. Hopefully some therapy will help, and I’m already taking baby steps. Like I said, I want to live!
- Be the best person I can be for my wife. I’ll never be perfect, I know that. But I want to make her life as perfect as possible, because she does that for me on a daily basis. She is the most caring, loving person that I’ve ever met. She sacrificed so many things in order to be there for me. She was my caregiver, is my heart, my soul, and makes me so happy, just by being her. She spent literal years of her life in the hospital with me. She flushed and clean my lines, gave me infusions, she did the cooking and cleaning. She has been my rock. She is having a hard time letting me try to ease some of her burdens, because she is such a caring, loving, generous person. It is kind of funny when I keep telling her to sit down and let me do something around the house. I like to think that I do not need someone to be happy, but I know that without her I’d never be AS happy. If you get a chance, you should meet her, she is amazing.
So that’s it for now (of course, #7 is basically a catch-all). Life is beautiful, life is short. Life can be incredibly difficult. Do your best to find the beautiful moments in the time you have. Live to the best of your ability.
Do you have a bucket list? Do you have a bucket I can borrow? If you do have a bucket list, please share it in the comments. If you have posted about it already, feel free to link to it. Quick, while you are still here.