Hello my dear reader(s). If you have read my blog-type-thing because you enjoy pain, you may have noticed that I am not a particularly religious person. It isn’t that I don’t believe there are forces we don’t understand, because science has proven that there are. I just really have a hard time buying into the words. I dislike people who use literal interpretations of their religion’s texts, because they just aren’t logically possible, if interpreted literally. I also have a problem believing that there can be completely conflicting religious experiences depending on the geographic region one was born in, and that those experiences are somehow incompatible and that only believers of religion A are right and believers of religion B are going to burn because they don’t accept that some guy who basically contradicted every stupid piece of dogma his father set up isn’t their savior. I also despise people who claim to be followers of the son, yet stick with the rules set by the father, that the son basically nullified. I despise anyone who would kill for their idea of what is right in a place that nobody can be sure exists beyond this Earth. Killing people is wrong on this Earth. If you have to defend yourself, I suppose it isn’t as bad, but to kill someone because their idea of what may happen after we die differs from yours is just insane. Hurting people is wrong. Doing something to someone you would not like done to you is wrong. You don’t need religion to tell you that, you just need empathy.
But here is something you may not know about me. I really, really WANT to believe. I WANT to believe that there is a reason I got cancer. I want to believe that there is a reason I grew up poor, am unable to work so will likely remain somewhat poor, and there are rich and powerful people who are allowed to use their money to hurt people while so many good people suffer in poverty and illness. I want to believe that some people are born into literal shit-holes run by evil despots and suffer a short, painful life, or worse, live a long painful life, but that there is some grand design for that to make the suffering worthwhile. I want to believe that a mother loses her life and leaves behind a grieving, broken family for a reason.
Because if there was some design, some scheme to it all, I could completely and utterly hate the being carrying out this little plan. Because making someone suffer with grief, loss, poverty and illness to send a message is terrorism. So if some being is pulling the strings up there, I think that being is a terrorist.
But maybe those who suffer most will be rewarded in the afterlife that may or may not exist. Maybe all these poor, starving or sick children will be at complete and total piece if they manage to get through this bullshit test on this particular rock. But what kind of sick fuck would test someone like that anyway? Well, Marvin, your family was wiped out by a government death squad, you live in a desert where there is no food and little water, the government or some corrupt war-lord is hijacking the humanitarian shipments that may keep you from starving to death, the children’s charities are being forced to pull-out due to the danger of the situation, your friends were kidnapped and used as sex slaves, and you won’t make it to your 14th birthday. But because you accepted me into your heart, you get to live in peace now. Congratulations.
Hey Judy, that breast cancer we got rid of with that awful chemotherapy, the radiation, and the double mastectomy? Well, now it is ovarian cancer and it is aggressive. We are going to have to subject your broken body to more treatment in order to stop or slow its progress. Wow, it is a miracle, the PET scan shows that we managed to get rid of that cancer too. You are one strong person to live through all of this. To have what should be the best years of your life sick from treatment and stuck in a hospital. Hey, Judy, on your follow-up, we found some troubling results. You have liver cancer and it has metastasized all over your body, including your brain. There is nothing we can do to save you, but could try chemotherapy to prolong your life another couple of months if you wish to go through it. Either way, the average survival for someone in your situation is 6 months. You will gradually lose control over your body and be in constant pain. Don’t think about taking your life to end this suffering though, because it is a sin and you will spend the rest of eternity burning in Hell. Have a nice day.
But, according to the books, this life is not the life that matters anyway. It is just a small part of the grand journey. In the books, if you do the right thing, like condemning people who don’t follow your book, you will be at peace forever. That sounds great. I want to believe that. Well, not the condemning others part, but the eternal peace if you don’t go out of your way to screw people over part. But it just doesn’t add up to me. There are too many contradictions, too many logical inconsistencies. People of faith tell me that logic shouldn’t apply, that I just need faith to overcome that lack of logic. Of course, these same people pick and choose the portions of the texts they want to live by.
I want all of you to be at peace, but I don’t want to wait until we die to get there. I don’t share your faith that our consciousness remains once our body and brain goes. It could, we could live on in an alternate universe or something, but why wouldn’t we be conscious there right now? At any rate, whether you believe or not, I ask you, why not strive for peace now? If you aren’t being hurt, why not let people live and do their thing. Why should your God object? If people are hurting other people and you can stop it, go for it. But aside from that, let people choose the course of their lives, with the same rights afforded to you.
I want to believe, but only if it means that in the afterlife I get to be away from you judgmental religious people.