As you may have noticed, I’m not afraid to take on controversial subjects. However, there are some topics I refuse to write about. It is not the controversy, it isn’t that I don’t have an opinion to express, the reasons vary, and I am more than happy to tell you why. Because if there is one thing you should have realized by now, it is that I’m always happy to tell you my thoughts.
- 50 Shades of Grey. This book and its readers have had every possible thing said about it and them that could possibly ever be said. My opinion would simply add to the noise. Why on Earth would I want to promote that?
- Illegal immigrants. No rational argument can be made on this subject. One is either a racist, or a bleeding-heart liberal that doesn’t care about the law and security of this county. Lose lose situation, I’ll just keep my mouth shut on this one. Besides, the only suggestion I could offer would be to see if Mexico would just let us annex them, so we could elevate the standard of living there, have a smaller southern border to patrol, admit that many immigrants are in fact, refugees from a civil war between anti-cartel government forces and pro-cartel government forces that we could do away with if we just annexed the country, dissolved their government, legalized drugs, eliminated agricultural minimum wage exemptions, and tapped their mineral resources, while applying our environmental regulations. They could be the 51st state. New, New Mexico. Wow, okay, I guess I would write about that…but that is such a laughable idea that could never happen that the mere mention of it here was for a joke that was just way too long.
- Religious conflict. I’m not going to slam anyone’s religion. I will slam those that try to legislate it or kill for it, but that’s about it. And despite popular opinion, EVERY religion has had people murder in the name of it. And no, not every religious person has the power to stand up to those who murder in the name of their religion. Some people just want to keep themselves and their loved-ones alive.
- Specific antics of famous people. This falls into the 50 Shades Category. Why promote them? There is enough already being said. I might state a general opinion of them or their work, I might even offer a detailed review of their work, but I will not add to their publicity stunts.
- Race relations. Okay, I’m lying, I will occasionally touch on the fact that racism is still an issue, and I will state my wish that people stop seeing race and only see people, and I will also state my dislike of people who don’t at least try to do so.
- Hunting. Except for poaching. Fuck poachers. I don’t hunt, I couldn’t bring myself to shoot an animal. That said, I would rather hear about a buck dying at the tip of a well-placed bullet or arrow than in the cab of a passenger car. If you hunt, please do so respectfully.
- Drivers. Some suck all the time, all of us suck at it some of the time. I don’t need to add to that any more. I might vent a particular experience, but I won’t go on a whole rant about how shitty drivers are today, or in a particular place, or who drive a particular vehicle. Let’s just all be careful.
- The weather. Sometimes it is nice, sometimes it isn’t. I might include a mention of the weather in a post, but the post will not be about the weather. An exception would be a weather pattern or climate change. Like the place I’m moving back to having virtually no water.
- China. Seriously, does China have a PR person? Why is it so surprising that such a huge county is now a huge economy? Does it suck that other countries still allow companies that claim to be from that particular country to ditch said country for the cheap Chinese labor? Yes. Is there anything new about that in the last 10 to 20 years? Nope.
- The stock market. Gambling, subsidized by the government. Manipulated and controlled to make the rich richer.
Okay, so that is the 10 things that I will never write about in this blog-type-thing. Ever, ever, ever!
Except, hold on a minute…I just did. I totally lied to all of you. All of my dear reader(s). I perpetrated a fraud on the readership of my blog-type-thing. I’m a disgrace. I brought you into my confidence by telling you that I will never write about these things, and then I turned around (okay, so I didn’t turn around, I’ve been facing the same direction this entire time-oh know, I lied again!) and wrote about those things anyway.
If I were the President, I’d be called a tyrant by an orange-faced, pandering idiot and likely sued for my transgression. If I were a celebrity, I’d have to check myself into rehab. If I were Canadian, I’d just say sorry, eh? (Just kidding Canadians, I joke out of jealousy over your healthcare.) If I were an employee of Fox News, well, I’d just keep lying to you, only I’d repeat the lies more, and louder. Then I’d blame the French, because Bill O’Reilly.
So, my dear reader(s), I would like to throw myself upon your mercy, unless our mercy is sharp or otherwise too uncomfortable for throwing myself upon. I lied to you.
To make up for it, I hereby, promise to never, ever write about these subjects in the future. You can trust me. Would I lie to you?