Self-proclaimed marriage expert Joshua Wrenn, GED, shares his tips for happily ending a marriage.
Josh: You are happily married. So what makes you think you are qualified to give advice about ending a marriage?
Joshua: Well you see, this is my second marriage. I am happy in it, thanks in part to the lessons I learned during as well as ending my first marriage.
Josh: I see, so these signs that sometime should consider divorce, you’ve experienced them all?
Joshua: No, but I know people who have, and I thought, “They should get a divorce.” And those who did seem much happier than those who didn’t. Some I’ve experienced, but that really isn’t relevant to my observations.
Josh: Why are you coming forth with these now?
Joshua: I’m tired of seeing people I like stuck in miserable situations. I want to spread happiness. I want everyone to be happy whether they are happily married like myself, single, or some combination thereof. Also, I’ve got posts to write.
Josh: Okay, Joshua, we’ll turn it over to you.
Before we get started I’d like to say that not all of these signs in and of themselves are reasons you should consider divorce. But some are. You should know the ones that are, but if you don’t, do not fear, I’m more than happy to tell you. Some of these signs can be fixed and solved, some can’t. Some might be okay indefinitely if they are not accompanied by the other signs, while others are unacceptable even for a moment.
So grab your partner (not in a rough or controlling way, unless your partner is really into that, and a standing arrangement exists between you), sit back, relax, & enjoy my 10 Signs You Should Consider Divorcing.
10. Only one of you is putting forth any effort.
This is by no means an unfixable issue, unless it is, in which case you are probably tired of being the only one trying, unless it is your partner who is the only one trying, in which case you’re an asshole, and should set your partner free, or change your ways.
9. Your partner is blatantly sexist.
In today’s two-income relationships, both partners often hold jobs outside the home. Yet in too many heterosexual relationships, the woman is still expected to do the housework. Working all day, the same amount of hours as the man, yet she is expected to have the dinners ready, to clean, to take care of any applicable children. If you are a woman in this situation, tell your man to fuck himself, and get out. This kind of shit doesn’t change.
8. You are no longer sexually attracted to your partner, or vice versa.
Do you want a marriage, or a roommate? This one can be changed. There are plenty of ways the spark can be reignited. Do something physical together. Get dressed up every so often. Talk about more than just work things or finances or the problems every relationship encounters. If you still can’t get it back, then it is time to walk away.
7. Your partner doesn’t support you in your goals and ambitions.
You are stuck in a job you hate. You want to take classes. You want to write. You want to do something more with your life. They continually find ways to make certain you don’t reach your goals. This is an attempt at ensuring you need them. This is controlling, manipulative, and unacceptable.
6. They aren’t there for you in your time of need.
You get sick and they are unsupportive, or you might have lost a job when your company closed, or perhaps you lost a loved one. When they put themselves and their wishes before you during times such as this, it should be considered a major indication that their loyalties do not lie with you.
By that I mean real actual cheating. I’m not talking about flirting. People flirt, they are married, not dead. When it crosses the line and there are plans to hook up or explicit communication, that should likely be considered cheating as well. If this happens to you, it is not okay, and you should leave immediately. Unless, of course, your relationship is not monogamous, in which case, whatever floats your boat.
4. Your partner has a secret family you just found out about.
Those “business trips” always seem to last too long, he or she calls your children and you by the wrong names frequently, missing money is always unaccounted for, and you find pictures of him with another woman and children that happen to look a lot like him in another state. Time to go.
3. Your partner is not sexually compatible with you.
Maybe they have too low a sex drive, maybe too high. Maybe they try to push you to do things you just aren’t into. Maybe they have fetishes you aren’t into, maybe they aren’t into yours. Maybe neither of you can keep your fantasy life in the fantasy realm. To put this more simply, if your partner wants to dress up like Gollum, but you want to dress up like Princess Leia, you might want to find someone else.
2. Your partner beats or rapes, not in a playing, fantasy way, but really.
This shouldn’t even need to be said, and sadly, those who it needs to be said to likely won’t listen anyway. IT IS NOT OKAY!
1. Your partner hurts children.
Again, you wouldn’t even think this needs to be said, but then you see an episode of Steve Wilkos.
This list is certainly not exhaustive. There are many other reasons divorce may be right for you. If you identify with all or part of this list, don’t listen to the church, don’t listen to your parents, don’t worry about the stigma. You deserve to live your life happy, or at least if you’re going to be miserable, you deserve to make yourself miserable.
Consult a divorce attorney today, don’t wait. Get on the road to a brighter future, unless you do have a happy marriage, in which case, don’t fuck it up by doing anything listed above.
Joshua Wrenn, GED does not practice at any clinics and is not a psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor, or anyone you should blindly listen to. He is however, totally awesome, and a very wise individual.