Here we all are, wading through our Facebook or Twitter feeds full of posts wishing us health, happiness, peace, & prosperity. And that’s great, really. But…um…duh. Don’t get me wrong, having spent the last three years mostly sick & on disability, I want nothing more than for this year to see me recovering to my pre-cancerous self in all of those categories. But who doesn’t wish for those things, even if they are already healthy and prosperous? And unless you’re a sociopath or Dick Cheney (wait, he IS a sociopath), who doesn’t want peace?
So, to break the monotony, I offer up to you, my Super Duper List of Not-so-obvious Wishes for 2015. Please to enjoy.
1. The end of shaky-cam. I don’t care how good a movie or TV show’s acting and writing may be, I can’t watch it if it is shot in that crap style. You don’t feel like you’re in the scene, you feel sick. Our eyes don’t zoom in on someone who just says something witty, or the alien on the horizon…we just see them. We do focus on what we’re looking at, but that happens near instantly and doesn’t blur everything else in our field of view. It doesn’t look real…it looks stupid. If I wanted to watch shows that look like they were shot on an 80s camcorder by a 4 year-old, well, never mind, I can’t imagine a scenario where that would happen.
2. No more freaking out over words. I’ve always believed that there are no bad words. There might be words I choose not to say in order to avoid offending people, but that doesn’t mean the word is bad or should never be used. They are words. And now, we have people freaking out over words that have never been bad. Moist comes to mind here. Really? Because your dirty mind can’t handle a synonym for damp but slightly more pleasant, I’m not supposed to use it? You moisturize, where do you think that comes from?
3. No more creating fake words, or being too lazy to use full words. Bae. Just stop, for the continuation of the species, I beg you.
4. An end to pharmaceutical commercials. You should not be asking your doctor if Latuda is right for you, your psychiatrist that you regularly see should be telling you that they think Latuda may be helpful for your condition.
5. A magical way for every internet commenter to have to shout their comments in person to a group of equal diversity and size of the group of comment readers prior to posting.
6. A phone app that automatically generates and preparers only the nutrition required by your body, at anytime you need it, disguised as whatever food you are craving.
7. Netflix to acquire rights to movies again, instead of focusing on TV shows. It is called Netflix, not Netshows.
8. The total collapse of the music industry. You have given us too many years of drum machines, auto-tune, & 3 note keyboard patterns to be allowed to call yourselves anything to do with music. Entertainment industry? Maybe. Dance soundtrack industry? Okay. Selling sex to 12 year-olds industry? Yep.
9. The de-glorification of everything “Geek”. Video games can be fun occasionally. Comic books can have well-written stories sometimes. Zombie movies might be fun for some people. The internet is a great tool for communication, entertainment, commerce, & learning. But ADD & Asperger’s are mental disorders. They are not a goal to strive for. Sheldon Cooper is a funny character, not a role model. Social skills are still skills that should be learned and valued. No parent should celebrate when they learn they have a child on the Autism Spectrum.
10. Last, but not least, I wish people would stop expecting a change in the calendar to equal a material change in their lives. Your attitude can affect your life. Your behavior can affect your life. But regardless of the date, events will come at you that can absolutely change your life, for better or worse. Events you have no control over. People say you can’t always control what happens, but only how you react to it. That’s half-true. Some events you can make happen, or prevent from happening, but some just come at you. And some of those events you can react to, but some you can’t. Sometimes you fall victim to some random event that kills you. In fact, I guarantee you will fall victim to something that kills you at some point. React to that. Control what you can. Prevent what you can. Create what you can. But remember, life isn’t in your control. So don’t be afraid. Live your life the best you can. Live in the moment. Life is not a series of years, it is now. Don’t get fit in the new year, get fit now. Don’t be more generous this year, be more generous now. Don’t read my stuff more often in the new year, read my stuff now!